I know you'd bet if she would let you. I'd better stop writing now since she tends to get angry easily and we don't want her to kick the sh*t out of you again. Hope the bruises heal quickly and remember - you can always press charges if the pain gets to be more than you can bear. [/QB][/quote]
TO SNAKE.
Domestic Violence is no joke. Many people think woman on man violence is funny. I disagree. I think it's hilariuos. Anyway here's some help from the professionals.
ABUSE MANAGEMENT
When you absolutely, positively must have contact.
COMMUNICATION TIPS
1. Be assertive, not aggressive, brief and precise. Speak calmy, slowly, gracefully without anger or emotion. Do not be 'nice' to an abuser. Use only a social smile on your face. Ignore nasty comments and questions. Expect attempts to bait you and push your buttons to get a reaction. Do not reward his attempts. Few words and binary black/white communication style work best - (yes/no, if/then, either/or). That's the language he understands. Calm indifference is effective "Yeah, whatever" JADE - don't Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain your behavior and decisions
2. Avoid overloading - mention one thing at a time.
3. Don’t let your abuser change the subject. Keep refocusing on the topic. Walk away at the first sign of non-co-operation.
4. Remember - they are pathological liars. Asking questions is inviting lies. Assume everything is a lie to avoid disappontment.
5. Spot the differences between statements and questions. Don't respond to statements (or insulting questions). Abusers hate asking questions, don't let them off the hook.
6. Don't criticize or contradict. Try repeating his last 3 or 4 words phrased like a question, to get more information.
7. Don't reveal things about yourself. Never show vulnerability.
8. Pay attention to projection. You may learn what your abuser is up to but projected on you.
9. Know her focus – is it intellect, appearance, sexual, technical ability, past accomplishments? Sincerely praise these. Give credit where credit is due. Narcissists need to be sprinkled with 'supply'.
10. The art and science of boundaries includes letting some things slide, but zero tolerance of abuse.
11. Make effective use of "The Look.”
12. If you are a submissive person, learn assertive skills.
13. Don't hesitate to say “No”, with no explanations. "That's my decision" is sufficient explanation. It can be done nicely.
14. Walk away from your abuser the instant she uses insults, sarcasm, criticism or the blame game. "I'm sorry you feel that way." "What is your question for me?" Boundaries are non-negotiable - never retreat or change. Be fair, but demand your needs be met.
15. Expect him to try to wear you down in creative ways. Enjoy the show.
16. If ‘correction’ is needed, try the sandwich approach. Praise, followed by a gentle corrective statement, followed by praise for past good performance. Acknowledge good performance – most effective when done in front of an audience.
17. Anticipate his many possible reactions. Be prepared with countermeasures.
18. Keep your sense of humour and perspective. Expect immature behaviour
19. Involve police at every indication of danger or violation of your rights.
20. Never ask her for anything, never offer anything or do anything for her, and never accept anything offered. Abusers are clever actors, appear pitiful and in need of help, and the gullible fall for this. Don't feel sorry or pity him - he's amazingly self sufficient.
21. Don't be ambushed by an abuser's demands for a response. Say "I'll have to think about that." Dig your heels in.
22. Getting the silent treatment? “Let me know when you feel like talking." Act like no big deal. Don't expect mature behaviour from the emotionally immature.
23. In negotiations, state something he must do first before you do your part.
24. Prize your financial and emotional independence. Make it your goal.
25. Be fully aware of why you are involved with this person. Life with any abuser will have a poor outcome. Who wants to live with endless chaos, continual verbal armwrestling and soul-destroying putdowns and criticism? Life’s too short and too full of good things to miss.
26. Consider alerting friends, neighbors or employer that you are having difficulty ending a relationship, adding that your abuser may try to harass or contact you through them. To avoid alienating or annoying friends neighbours/employer etc.don't discuss details or try to use them for emotional support.
26. Play ball when necessary to avoid unleashing a narcissistic rage. Her wrath can be severe.
I am offically entering the ring.
My Bio?
First year. A rookie, I know. But hell, look what Randy did his rookie year. For the guy who didn't play a q.b. last year, that's Randy Moss, He plays for the Raiders.
And for those who drafted kevan Barlow this year.
"I feel sorry for your mother"--menice to society
Did you Kevan Barlow owners watch football last year?(3. what yards per carry) Or are you going off Mike Shannahan's assesment of kevan Barlow "being the best back of that draft" 4 years ago?
And since none of you guys know about my squad (and im ready for some abuse) here it is...
plummer
harrinton
mccowan(ya i picked him up for last week..nice move huh, noone else even bid on him in my league)?
mccalaster
l.jordan-(i had the 10th pick, everyone claimed him to be a future bust. Some morans,from this message board, claimed him and zack crocket, to be a bettis/staley like duo....)
pittman
c. taylor
a. thomas
m. morris
i. bruce
r. wayne
s. smith
t. taylor
d. patten
b. johnson(is he ever gonna do anything with all those targets)?
d. patten(he scores next week)
heap
So there it is...chicago 2...3-1. I will win the division in my first year.
You heard it here first.
[ October 06, 2005, 04:02 AM: Message edited by: The Next Big Thing ]