Wine if you got it

mkrucek · Post by **mkrucek** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:49 am

It’s a sad day for fantasy football. No, it’s not KDS, 3RR, Gekko’s rants, “NFFC vs WCOFF”, or the fairness of auctions. No, it’s not even the posting of satellite draft results. No my friends, it’s wine. Specifically wine being openly consumed at a fantasy football draft, right there next to cheat sheets and draft lists. So out in the open that it has tarnished what is otherwise a fine promo for the NFFC and fantasy football in general. I’m sorry, but I must take a stand.

Let’s start with the very word, “wine”. It is from the French “whine” which, loosely translated means, “please save our sorry baguette-eating asses.” Look how it’s packaged. In a bottle, with a cork in it. Once again, history teaches us that the expression, “put a cork in it,” was first uttered by an 11th-century brew master who, upon tasting wine for the first time wanted it sealed for good. If wine was so good, why did they make it so difficult to open? Then, when you do finally get the bottle open you HAVE to pour it in a glass. Please, when a beverage is already in a bottle there should be no need to dirty a perfectly clean glass. What’s wine made out of? Grapes! What else can you make out of grapes? That’s right, raisins. And you want to drink this stuff?

I don’t want to leave the impression that wine is always bad. I can remember back in the day there was a nice Boone’s Farm that had a great twist-off top and you did drink it from the bottle. And it certainly has it’s place at weddings when the bar has closed, you’ve finished the real drinks, and you need something to wash the chicken down . It just doesn’t belong at a fantasy football draft, dammit.

This is yet another reason why America is looked at with disdain in other parts of the world. It has made us a laughingstock and stopping wine at FF drafts will be a good first step in reclaiming changing our image overseas. Imagine the impact it would have if GW went before the United Nations and said we had passed a law eliminating wine at FF drafts. That’s leadership, my friends.

Let’s face it, how many of you call up your friend and ask him (or her) if they’d like to stop by and watch the games on your 52” plasma, Sunday ticket ready to roll, and you’ll crack open a great 2002 Merlot you just picked up? Or how many of you, after being invited to a friend’s house for the game, respond with, “Great, let me pick up a nice Chardonnay and some chips”?

Jules, Captain, please, I implore you - STOP NOW! Stomp on this like a grape at a winery and end it. Stop thinking Red and White and think red, white and blue. America, beer, fantasy football. They go together along with apple pie and all the rest of that stuff. If we played football like the rest of the world, fine, have your wine. But this is America's game, drink American. Have a Corona. Let me buy you one in Vegas, preferably at the ESPNZone.

Thanks for listening.

King of Queens · Post by **King of Queens** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:06 am

Funny stuff, 4D.

Are you going to Vegas for the NFFC?

TURBOUGH · Post by **TURBOUGH** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:10 am

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

mkrucek · Post by **mkrucek** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:14 am

Originally posted by King of Queens:
Funny stuff, 4D.

Are you going to Vegas for the NFFC? Thanks KofQ. No, I'll be in Chicago for the nffc and Vegas for wcoff.

Greg Ambrosius · Post by **Greg Ambrosius** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:17 am

Great stuff Mike. Are you old enough to remember that you could buy Boone's Farm for about a buck a bottle? My favorite was Strawberry Hill. I think I drank Peach Apple, too. No idea how much that stuff costs now, but in 1978 I swear it was 99 cents or a buck and a quarter. What a trip down memory lane. Thanks.

Don't tell Perry, but I think that stuff he was pouring in Las Vegas didn't cost much more than my '78 Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill!!

Gordon Gekko · Post by **Gordon Gekko** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:18 am

9 out of 10. Good job 4D

Team Legacy · Post by **Team Legacy** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:21 am

See you in Chi-town Mike!

kjduke · Post by **kjduke** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:24 am

4D, get out of the 1980's ... after high school it's time to start expanding your options beyond the fermented grains that could double as pig slop. Coming from several generations of grape farmers, I resent your post.

Wine is in, and look at the facts: 14-team leagues, KDS, 3RR. This is high-end fantasy football, nothing wrong with a Cali Cab to go with it; this is sitting at the owners table not the rookie lineman's table. Think about that while you're downing a six-pack of Blue Ribbon this weekend while drafting against 9 high school buddies in a smelly Holiday Inn room you rented for six hours.

King of Queens · Post by **King of Queens** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:29 am

I think we need Bronson Pinchot to reprise his role as "Serge" in Beverly Hills Cop and ask him to make an appearance at the NFFC. He could serve every participant espresso with the lemon twist.

Iz nice!!

hammer · Post by **hammer** » Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:30 am

Does this mean I shouldn't bring my Mad Dog 20/20 to NY?